I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
