Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
