so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
