The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
be right there i have to get my cape
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize