ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
