his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
