The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
