Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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