Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
