I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
