Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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