just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize