Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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