We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
