we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
