thus making me awesome and them whores
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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