I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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