onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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