awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this is an emotional support booty call
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
