I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
