You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want nice things and good sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
