I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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