god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
