is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
