Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
