i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
