I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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