my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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