Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
