I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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