i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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