Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Panties = found
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
