she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
