I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
