take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
