Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
