You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
