So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
