That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
