Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
