I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She bit a glass in half.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
