so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
