I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
