I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
