Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
