my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
