im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
