so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
