HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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