what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
