Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
