You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
