Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
