Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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