If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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