Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need a burrito and a hug.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
