He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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