The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
