I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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