I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
