I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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