he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
