it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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