so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
