all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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