dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
