Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Shame is for Republicans.
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