Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
