My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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