she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
