Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
