I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
