Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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