no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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