Umm I'm too high to move.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
