Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
where are you?
Hypothermia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
