I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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