at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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