cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
