i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
