I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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