you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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