Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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