she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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